Nudist Cruise Read online

  There was also a whole section on how to use towels. It was kind of weird. You would think people already know how to use towels. I found out later that towels are a big issue in the nudist community. The ship had more than enough towels for everyone, so I don’t think it was a problem here.

  Not taking any pictures was a big rule. That made a lot of sense to me. Even if you are a nudist, you probably don’t want your coworkers seeing pictures of you naked at some website. That rule kind of made me feel better. I would want to jump off the boat if it was just a bunch of naked people all drooling and taking naked pictures of each other, but I was also a little disappointed. After I looked up information about the ship and saw how photogenic it was, I wanted to take a million pictures of it. That would not be easy to do if photography was prohibited.

  The e-mail spelled out that anyone involved in any kind of prostitution would be kicked off the ship and reported to the local authorities. In China, that is not something you want to mess with, especially if you are not Chinese. I don’t know if prostitution is normally a big problem on giant cruise ships. I think it might have been part of the underlying theme that this was not a sex cruise.

  They said they would kick people off the ship for any public sex or taking pictures without someone’s permission. They seemed pretty serious about it. There were several warnings that if you get kicked off the ship, you don’t get a refund. I thought that was funny since I did not pay for my ticket anyway. That is a big deal if you kick off someone from Chicago in Hong Kong. They lose all that money and then have to pay for an extra flight back home. If you kick me off in Hong Kong, I can walk home. But I was not planning on doing anything that could get me kicked off.

  The main advice of the e-mail was to do all the things that you would do on a cruise and behave in a normal fashion. The only difference was that you could get naked. I felt better after reading the e-mail. I was not concerned about it being an orgy cruise anymore. I was still a little upset that Liam did not tell me about it earlier, though.

  After everything was booked and I did some research online and I felt better about the whole nudist thing, I packed my bag and waited impatiently to see my boyfriend.

  Chapter 3: Payong Flashing

  Despite everything I read about nudists not liking orgies, I still had a dream that night that did not especially surprise me, but it seems ridiculous to me now.

  I dreamed that I was on the cruise ship. I was walking on the deck, enjoying the fresh sea air. I had some kind of drink in my hand. I don’t know what it was, but it had an umbrella in it. It was a perfectly normal cruise ship scene, except that I was completely naked.

  A young Australian man walked toward me on the deck from the opposite direction. He was wearing board shorts and a t-shirt with a picture of a bright red umbrella.

  “Nice payong,” he said as we passed each other.

  I didn’t know what that meant. I thought maybe it was the name of the drink I had in my hand. It almost seemed like he was looking at my drink when he said it. But then again, he could have just as easily been looking at my chest.

  “Maybe payong means boobs,” I said to myself.

  Pretty soon a Canadian woman walked toward me. She was wearing a lime green bikini with tiny yellow umbrellas on the top and blue umbrellas on the bottoms.

  “Nice payong,” she said as we reached each other. She was also looking at my chest when she said it.

  “Thanks,” I replied.

  Then I stopped walking and turned around to face her as she passed me.

  “Hey, wait a minute,” I called to her.

  She stopped and turned to me and I was about to ask her a question, but then I forgot what I was going to say. She went back to going her way and I went back to going my way.

  It was not long before an older English gentleman approached me. He was wearing nothing but a bright pink speedo. He also had a monocle and walking stick, for some reason. It looked like the speedo had tiny yellow bananas on it.

  “Now that’s a banana hammock,” I thought to myself.

  When he got closer, I could tell that the tiny yellow bananas were actually tiny yellow umbrellas. I could also tell that the speedo was not a good look for him. He was older and kind of chubby. It looked like the speedo was maybe a size or two too small.

  “Nice payong,” he said.

  It occurred to me that everyone was complimenting my bare breasts and nobody else was naked.

  “Excuse me,” I asked the older man. “Isn’t this a clothing optional cruise?”

  “Oh, quite,” he replied in an old time English accent.

  “So I’m not underdressed?” I asked.

  “Not in the least,” he replied. “You look brilliant.”

  I assumed he meant brilliant in the British sense and not in the American sense. I have been living in Hong Kong long enough that I’m used to hearing British English. I guess I even dream about it now.

  I kept walking along the deck, umbrella drink in hand. I was not too worried about being completely naked while everyone else I saw was wearing clothes, or at least a tiny speedo.

  Then I turned a corner and in a wide open space there were about 2,000 people. They were hanging out, talking and generally having a good time. Some of them were playing shuffleboard, some were dancing. Everybody was having fun. And every single person was wearing clothes, except me.

  I stood there frozen, standing naked in front of 2,000 clothed people. I thought clothing optional meant that most people would be naked, but you could still wear clothes if you wanted to. I did not realize that clothing optional meant everyone would wear clothes and I would be the only one naked.

  A fully clothed ten year old Asian boy pointed at me.

  “Nice payong,” he said.

  It was one thing for adult men and a woman to compliment my breasts, but coming from a child, it was too much. It did not help that every single one of the 2,000 people with clothes on was looking at my naked body.

  I turned around quickly, dropping my umbrella drink and started to run away in slow motion. It was the type of slow motion running you see in dreams or in bad movies where they want to show the woman’s breasts heaving up and down. Since this was a dream and not a movie, it was slow motion dream running, but my breasts were still bouncing around slowly.

  While I was slowly running away, my umbrella drink fell to the ground in slow motion. The people watching me were at regular speed.

  “Look,” someone said in a fake Asian accent. “Her payong make bouncy bouncy.”

  I ran into a room and closed the door behind me. I was in regular speed again since the embarrassing scene was over. There were some clothes folded neatly on a table and I picked them up to look at them. The bra and panties had umbrella patterns on them, so I tossed them aside and put on the cute little violet and pink sundress. It fit me, as did the floppy sandals that I also put on. When I went back out the door, clothed this time, it was suddenly a different day.

  I walked cautiously out onto the deck. I was clothed this time, but I was worried about running into those people who saw me naked.

  There was an outdoor bar and the Chinese bartender waved his hand, motioning me to come toward him.

  “Is good drink,” he said. “Like it you will.”

  I have no idea why he was talking like Yoda.

  The bartender handed me a different umbrella drink and I went back to walking around the deck.

  I turned another corner and in a wide open space there were about 2,000 people. It was a different wide open space around a different corner, but there were just as many people doing all the same things. These 2,000 people were also hanging out, talking and generally having a good time. Some of them were playing shuffleboard, some were dancing. Everybody was having fun.

  The difference between this group of 2,000 people and the last group was that every single one of these new people was completely naked. This time, I was the only one wearing clothes.

  I looked at
the naked people and took a sip from my umbrella drink.

  A naked ten year old Chinese boy pointed at me and said, “Nice payong.”

  “What the hell?” I thought. “Even with clothes on, they’re staring at my boobs.”

  It started to rain and all the naked people scrambled for cover. Some of them made it under the ship’s awnings, but most of them were left out in the open. A few of them had sun hats, but since they were all naked, none of them had coats.

  A naked man who was out in the rain pointed at me.

  “Quick,” he yelled. “Hide under her payong.”

  I put out my hand as if stopping traffic.

  “Wait,” I said to the crowd. “That’s not going to happen.”

  “But it’s raining,” one of them pleaded.

  “My payong are pretty big,” I said. “But not big enough for all of you.”

  “It’s actually very small,” a naked woman said.

  “What’s small?” I asked.

  “Your payong,” she answered.

  “No offense,” I said, looking at her naked body. “But yours are a lot smaller than mine.”

  The naked woman seemed confused.

  “What are you talking about?” she said. “I don’t even have one.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked, equally confused. “Ok, they’re small, but they’re more than nothing.”

  “I’m talking about your payong,” she told me. “We need it for the rain.”

  “And I’m talking about your payong,” I told her. “Use your own.”

  “I don’t have one,” the naked woman said. She was wet and frustrated by this point.

  “No, you have two,” I pointed out. “Just like I do. Just like every other woman here.”

  The naked woman looked around.

  “No one else has one,” she said. “You’re the only one.”

  That did not make any sense to me. All of the women had breasts. Since they were all naked, I could see most of them from where I was standing. The only thing I had that they did not was clothing, and my drink.

  “Forget it,” an annoyed naked man said. “We’re already soaked anyway.”

  “Thanks for nothing,” another naked man said.

  I could not understand why everyone was so upset. I did not let them hide from the rain under my breasts. Is that so unusual? I think it is more unusual that they even wanted to do such a thing.

  I woke up in my apartment nowhere near a cruise ship full of naked people and lay in bed thinking about the dream.

  “Why were they all wearing clothes when I was naked?” I asked myself. “And why were they all naked when I was wearing clothes?”

  There is probably some psychological reason for that.

  “And why did they want to hide under my breasts in the rain? What was that all about?”

  That seemed crazy to me.

  “And why did that woman say that no one else had breasts?” I asked no one. “They all did. There were a lot of boobs in that dream. Liam would have loved it.”

  After I got out of bed, I went to Google and looked up “payong”.

  “Wow,” I thought to myself. “I think my brain’s trying to tell me something.”

  Chapter 4: Shanghai

  Our original plan was to have Liam fly to Hong Kong early so we could spend a day together before he got on the ship. He had to board the ship when it reached Hong Kong on a Thursday, so we decided he should fly to Hong Kong on Wednesday. That would have worked out well since I did not have to work that Wednesday. I could have picked him up at the airport, taken him back to my apartment and we could have spent the whole day in my bedroom.

  It never worked out that way because he could not get the extra day off. He was already taking too many days as far as his boss was concerned. He was going to be on the ship for ten days and then in Bangkok for another two days. So he came to Hong Kong on Thursday. Just in time to get to the ship before it left for Xiamen.

  I had to work on Thursday when he came to Hong Kong since I was also taking a bunch of days off. I was only on the ship for seven days, but I also had those two Bangkok days, so we never got a chance to see each other when he was in Hong Kong. He went straight from the airport to the pier on Thursday while I was working.

  I went to the airport on Sunday with just a carry-on bag and my purse. The cruise ship had a limit of one regular size suitcase and one carry-on per person. The luggage rules were pretty much like an airline. I thought most people might take a lot fewer clothes since it was a nudist cruise, and I did not want to be that one person who pushes the limits further than anyone else. There’s always someone.

  I still was unsure how comfortable I was going to be on a ship full of naked people, but I always pack light anyway. Nudist cruise or not, I brought plenty of clothes. I simply know how to pack a lot into a small bag. I also had the advantage of living in Hong Kong. I knew I could easily go to my apartment when the shipped docked in Hong Kong and get whatever I needed.

  When my flight landed in Shanghai, I was surprised by how alert and awake I was. Usually when I fly somewhere, I take an early flight, but this one was in the afternoon. There is also something in my head that tells me a flight to Shanghai should be very long and that I should be very tired once I get there. I still think about these things in terms of flying from Minnesota, but I flew there from Hong Kong. It only takes about two and a half hours.

  They had a shuttle bus to take me from the airport to the port. That was especially convenient since I had never been to Shanghai before and had no idea what was the best way to get there on my own. There is a new high speed train that runs on magnets instead of a track and goes downtown from the airport. I would not mind taking that just to see what it’s like, but then it probably does not go to the port. I most likely would have taken a taxi if they did not have the shuttle.

  It was not all that far to the ship from the airport. Even in traffic, it only took maybe 45 minutes. The drive was mostly on the highway, so I never got to see much of the city, but then the port is right next to the main attractions. I could see the famous skyline view from the ship.

  I was surprised by how close it was to the main downtown area. I thought the port would be out in the boonies in some seedy part of town, not in the middle of the main tourist spot. Instead of an old harbor on the ocean, the ship was docked in the city, on the river that runs through Shanghai.

  I probably should have booked an earlier flight into Shanghai. Then I could have spent some time downtown and looked around a little before heading to the ship. Dragging around my luggage did not seem like it would be that hard since the ship was so close to everything. I also found out too late that I could have left my bag at the ship several hours before they were ready for everyone to board.

  I did not bother to go through all the hassle to get an earlier flight because I thought the port would not be close enough to anything. I didn’t want to spend an extra few hours trying to figure out where I was in a city that I knew nothing about.

  If I had just done a little homework about Shanghai then I would have known how easy it all was. I also never truly appreciated how five star this entire trip was going to be. I thought I was going to have to take a taxi from the airport to the port. I pictured myself dragging my bag around, getting lost and rushing to find the ship in time.

  This was a giant cruise ship for people who can afford it, or at least people who save up a long time to be able to go. They took care of and pampered me from the moment they found me at the airport. The shuttle was nicer than a typical airport shuttle bus and they had plenty of bottled water, tea and juice.

  They took me straight to the ship even though I was the only one in the shuttle. I’m sure there were other people arriving at the airport, but they did not make me wait. If it had not been a five star cruise, I’m sure they would have waited until the shuttle was full and took everybody at the same time. Since it was five star, they made separate trips for everybody. They proba
bly made a lot of trips that day.

  When I got to the ship, I looked around the port a little, but did not have enough time to go too far and look at the city. The famous new buildings, including that space needle looking tower, were right across the river from the ship. It was a straight line from the cruise ship to that tower. The famous old banks were on the ship’s side of the river, but the river turns a corner at that point, so there was a good view of those buildings, too. I did not have time to walk around the famous street where everyone walks around, but I could see it. That is how close the port was.

  As much as I wanted to look around Shanghai, I wanted to get on the ship and find Liam even more.

  I guess next time I will have to get to Shanghai earlier so there is plenty of time to look around. Next time we have a million dollars and can afford a cruise, that is.

  The first thing I noticed about the ship was that it was huge. I knew this ship would be big – I saw pictures of it online – but this thing was enormous. Pictures could not do it justice. You have to stand next to it to fully appreciate the size. It is hard to believe that something this big can float on water.

  It was like a skyscraper lying down and bigger than any boat I have ever seen. A lot of boats come into Victoria Harbour. I have even seen a few cruise ships, but none of them were as big as this one. When we went into Hong Kong during the cruise, we passed another cruise ship. It was a Princess Cruises ship, the Love Boat, and it was maybe two thirds the size of our ship. It was really obvious how much bigger ours was.

  The cruise line’s company website says the ship is over 800 feet long, 100 feet wide and holds almost 2,000 passengers. As big as it was, it is not even close to being the largest in the world. I read somewhere that the largest cruise ship is over 1,000 feet long, 250 feet high and holds 6,000 passengers. I can’t imagine being on a boat with 5,999 other people. My heart goes out to the people who have to clean up after 6,000 passengers.