Nudist Cruise Page 10

  Liam’s definitions are crude, but they make sense in their own perverse way. When you have not seen your boyfriend in three months, you imagine making love. You picture two bodies merging into one with soft candlelight and a nice breeze flowing through the billowing curtains on a clear and starry night. It should be like a good movie or a romance novel without a hundred euphemisms for heaving bosoms.

  When we finally met up with each other at the beginning of the cruise, we did not make love. I don’t think that time falls into any of Liam’s categories since it ended as soon as it began. Later on that night, we made love. There were no billowing curtains or candlelight, but it was exactly what the doctor ordered after three months apart. It was no romance novel, but there was plenty of undulating and glistening. Our two bodies merged into one, repeatedly. There were no unsatisfied customers that night.

  For our second night on the ship, after Liam’s evening performance, we had sex. It was not exactly a scene out of a romantic comedy, but it was not pound away, roll over and go to sleep either. It was that space somewhere in between that combines passionate romance and situations intended only for mature audiences. Parental discretion would have been advised.

  Nudists are quick to tell you that nudity is not about sex. They mentioned it in that lecture in the library and it was all over the e-mail that explained all the rules. It is very important for nudists that everyone else understand that their nudity has nothing to do with sex.

  I’m not a nudist. I was on vacation with my boyfriend, whom I had not seen in three months. I appreciate that nudity is not about sex and I like the fact that nudists are not interested in big public orgies. I feel a lot better around nudists when they insist that nudity does not equal sex, but if I am alone in my cabin with my boyfriend, I can guarantee that our nudity will equal giant buckets full of steamy hot sex.

  At least it will as long as I have any say in the matter.

  Chapter 11: Tasty Life

  Our first port on the cruise was Xiamen, China. I had lived in Hong Kong for a little over two years and Xiamen is pretty close to Hong Kong, but I knew absolutely nothing about Xiamen before this cruise. I looked up some information just before I left for the cruise, and when the boat docked in Xiamen, I got off and looked around. I still don’t know much about Xiamen.

  When he woke up that morning, Liam decided that he was going to be naked as much as possible.

  “I don’t see why I should even get dressed at all,” he announced. “At least until I have to go to work.”

  “Except that you can’t get naked while we’re in port,” I told him.

  “When will we be there?” he asked.

  I went to the big balcony window and pointed out all the land we could see. Our side of the ship was not up against the pier, but we were obviously docked. We could see plenty of land on the other side of the harbor.

  “When did that happen?” Liam asked.

  “Some time last night,” I answered.

  The ship was scheduled to start letting people off at 10 am, but since we got in early, they started letting people off at nine o’clock.

  “We were already docked when I woke up,” I told Liam.

  I woke up earlier than Liam, as I always do, and one of the first things I noticed was all that land out the window.

  We slept with the curtains open because there was nothing but ocean and sky out the window the day before. Since we had slept naked, I wondered how many people could see us as the ship sailed into the harbor. Probably none since it was an incredibly large ship and they would have to be close to our window to look inside. We also had a blanket over our naked bodies, so the most anyone could see even if they could look in would be Liam’s naked butt whenever he pushes the blanket away. He has a nice butt, but I don’t think it is ever going to start an international incident with China.

  After I put on my usual running clothes, I went up to the sports deck and jogged around the track. I never saw my jogging partner from the day before. Maybe his wife was feeling better and they went together at another time. Or maybe he did not want to go jogging since clothes were required now that we were in port. You can’t see the sports deck from the pier without binoculars and a little imagination. It could be full of naked people and no one on the pier would know, but the rules were no outdoor nudity while the ship was docked.

  After my run, I went back to the cabin and took a shower. Liam was still asleep, so I got dressed and went downstairs for breakfast. It was not a naked day, so I wanted to try out one of the other restaurants. I was not in the mood for Chinese or Japanese food for breakfast, so I went back to the Mediterranean buffet.

  There is a joke asking who eats Chinese food for breakfast – about a billion Chinese people. I can eat Chinese food for breakfast any day, and their idea of breakfast is not really my idea of breakfast. They like soup or porridge and little sandwiches. I want eggs and bread, maybe some fruit. In China, fruit is dessert. I want to be able to eat fruit any time of the day.

  There was also an Indian restaurant on the ship, but Indian food for breakfast sounds just as strange to me as Chinese food for breakfast sounds to Americans who don’t live in China. Maybe if I lived in India then I would not think it was strange at all. Just as I don’t think Chinese food for breakfast is strange. But I don’t live in India.

  After breakfast, I went back to the cabin and showed Liam that we were docked.

  By the time Liam was awake, dressed and alert enough to spend the day in Xiamen, most of the passengers had already left the ship. It was strange to see so few people on board, especially after spending a day at sea when absolutely everyone was there.

  We got him a light snack since he does not like to eat breakfast. I had to talk him into eating something.

  “If you don’t eat now, you’ll just want to buy something in Xiamen,” I said.

  Our goal was to spend as little money as possible. We live in China, so we don’t have to go to Xiamen to get overpriced Chinese tourist junk. One of the best ways to spend as little money as possible on a cruise is to eat on the boat, where most of the food is free, and try not to eat too much on land, where nothing is free.

  “We can always just come back to the ship if I get hungry,” Liam said.

  “The pier is nowhere near anything we’re going to see,” I told him. “I don’t want to go all the way out there just to come all the way back here twenty minutes later.”

  Most of everything we saw in Xiamen was actually pretty close to the pier, but I could just picture leaving the ship only to turn around again when he decided he wanted breakfast.

  Getting on the ship is like getting on a plane. You wait in a line, they scan your access card and check it to make sure you are you, and you walk up a ramp.

  Getting off the ship was nothing like getting off a plane. There was no line since most of the passengers were already gone. Instead of just walking off, we had to scan our access cards. That told the ship that we were not on board anymore.

  There was a lot of scanning those cards – getting on, getting off, at meals, at shows. The ship always knows where you are and what you are doing. I suppose the alternative would be to count how many people leave and how many come back and hope that everyone made it. This way, if they have to leave anyone behind, and I don’t know if the ship ever did, they know exactly who it is and when and where they left.

  We were always told to be back on the ship at a certain time in each port. The ship usually left on time, but sometimes it was a little late. Leaving Hong Kong, it was very late. I don’t know if that was because people were late getting back on or if there were other reasons. They warned us that the ship leaves when it leaves and if you are not back, too bad. That might sound unnecessarily mean, especially when people are paying a great deal of money to be on this ship, but if they were not strict about it, people would just wander back whenever they felt like it and the ship would constantly be running late.

  The port terminal in Xiamen was pretty
much like the one in Shanghai. That surprised me since the Shanghai port is a new building and Shanghai is a much bigger city than Xiamen. I guess enough cruise ships go to Xiamen that they went ahead and built a modern terminal. The Chinese government is perfectly willing to spend money on status symbols that visitors will see. It is the schools and hospitals where most tourists will never go that the government pinches pennies.

  We already knew before we got there that everything in Xiamen was south of the pier. On the maps there is a big lake very close to the pier, so we decided to go there first. It was an easy walk to the lake, but not much of a lake. There was a nice walking path around it, so obviously this was the kind of place where the government wants people to go, but there just was not much of anything there. There was nothing special about the lake and it was not especially photogenic or interesting.

  After we both gave up on the lake, we stumbled on a little expat neighborhood. There were a bunch of coffee shops and more Italian restaurants than you would expect to see in a medium size Chinese city. There were two right next to each other. That might seem strange that someone opened a business right beside their competition, but in China you will see McDonald’s and KFC or Domino’s and Pizza Hut right next to each other. They don’t think of competition in the American way.

  It is common in Chinese cities to find all the comic book stores or all the shoe makers side by side on the same street. Even though China is one of the most capitalist countries in the world, the old communist model is more about giving people more convenient access than about maximizing profits for the shopkeepers. It is also the way streets were set up thousands of years ago. If you wanted to shoe a horse, you went to horse shoe street.

  We would have tried one of the Chinese Italian restaurants, but neither of us was hungry yet and there was plenty of free Italian food back on the ship.

  We were both thirsty, though. It looked like our only options were the coffee shops or KFC. There was a KFC a few blocks from the lake. In China, there is a KFC a few blocks from everything.

  Then we saw a little grocery store called Tasty Life and decided to get some pop there, assuming they had any cold drinks. Chinese people are not big fans of cold drinks, so sometimes it can be hard to find anything below room temperature. All grocery stores have pop, but it is usually not cold. Even the “cold drinks” at 7-11 are just below room temperature. An almost frozen can of pop in China is never going to happen.

  The grocery store was very small, but it just might be the best grocery store I have ever seen anywhere in Asia. Half of it was the usual Chinese groceries and half was all imported American products. We could not believe it. Neither of us had ever seen anything like it. There are plenty of stores in Hong Kong with international items, but they are mostly from the UK or Australia. Even places that advertise American food usually have British food. On top of that, the prices at this store were reasonable. International grocery stores in Hong Kong are closer to the expensive end.

  They had all kinds of Duncan Hines cake mixes, which you can find in Hong Kong, but they also had a lot of Betty Crocker mixes that I have never seen outside of the United States. They had muffins, biscuits, cornbread, pizza crust, pound cake and maybe everything Betty Crocker makes in mix form. I would rather make the real thing from scratch or go to a great bakery, but it is hard to make anything in my tiny kitchen in Hong Kong and there are no real great bakeries. We do have good pizza, though, so I did not bother to get any of the pizza crust mix. I got most of the others – mostly cornbread and muffins. I can’t even remember the last time I had cornbread.

  “I hope these cook in the toaster oven,” I said to Liam.

  “They probably won’t,” he replied.

  I bought it all anyway.

  They had Reese’s peanut butter cups and all kinds of American candy. We have plenty of candy in Hong Kong, but it is mostly British or only one or two flavors. I don’t hate British candy, but that is not what I grew up with. I will never feel nostalgic or get that taste of home from a Cadbury milk bar.

  We have M&Ms in Hong Kong, but only plain and peanut. We have Hershey bars, but only regular. This store had things I have never seen anywhere else – almond M&Ms, tootsie rolls, junior mints, all kinds of Hershey bars, almond joy and more than I can remember.

  They had a variety of pop tarts. We used to have pop tarts in Hong Kong, but only two or three flavors. I have not seen any lately. This store had chocolate, blueberry, cherry, apple strudel and peanut butter. I did not even know they made peanut butter pop tarts.

  What really blew me away about this grocery store was that they had just about everything Old El Paso makes – tortillas, beans, salsa, sauces, seasoning, chiles, Spanish rice. I have never seen any of this in Asia in any size or denomination. Obviously, real Mexican food is better, but I live in Hong Kong. Our Spanish rice is Chinese rice with tomatoes or ketchup.

  It was all junk food because that is what you find in the international section of Chinese grocery stores. Packaged items last a lot longer on the long boat ride to China. Imported lettuce and fresh sourdough loaves just don’t work after they are a month old.

  We filled a small shopping cart full of American junk food before we realized that we were traveling by boat.

  “How are we supposed to bring all this stuff back?” Liam asked.

  I looked at everything and knew that it would never fit in my carry-on. Or even both of our carry-ons. If we left everything else on the ship then maybe we could bring all of that junk food home.

  “Well, we’ll be in Hong Kong tomorrow,” I suggested. “We could put everything in our luggage and take it to the apartment. Then bring the empty bags back to the ship.”

  “That works for you, but what about me?” Liam asked. “How do I get my stuff from your apartment to mine?”

  Liam never planned to go into Hong Kong after we got back from the cruise. We were supposed to fly from Bangkok to Hong Kong together and then he would fly to Fuzhou.

  “I can’t take all this stuff all the way from Bangkok,” he said.

  “No, that would be crazy,” I replied. “We’ll leave it all at the apartment and then figure out how to get it to you later.”

  “So it sits in your apartment until you come to visit me or I go to Hong Kong?” Liam asked, not really asking. “Meanwhile, I can’t eat any of it in all that time.”

  “Yes, you’ll have to do without something you didn’t even know you were going to have a few minutes ago,” I said.

  Liam was acting like this was a great hardship for him, but we never intended to buy any of this food in the first place. We only found it by accident.

  On the other hand, he lives in Fuzhou, which does not have nearly as much international food as I have in Hong Kong. He is surrounded by Chinese food and he got tired of it a long time ago. He needs all this American food more than I do, but we could not think of an easier way to deal with it. Taking it from the cruise ship to Bangkok and then flying from Bangkok to Hong Kong to Fuzhou would never have been a good idea. Any or all of it could have been taken away at any customs stop along the way. No one was going to stop us from bringing it on the ship in Xiamen or taking it off in Hong Kong. Taking it to my apartment in Hong Kong simply made the most sense.

  I did not have any Chinese yuan to pay for our groceries, but Liam had a little since he lives in Mainland China. I had mostly Hong Kong dollars, since I live in Hong Kong, and some Thai baht for the end of our trip.

  “And on top of all that, I have to pay for everything,” Liam whined.

  “And I’ll pay for everything in Bangkok,” I said. “You know we’re going to spend a lot more money there than we will here.”

  The ship was only docked in Xiamen for nine hours, but we spent two days in Bangkok, without any free food. It was no contest which one of us spent the most money.

  So Liam reluctantly paid for all the food that he would have to wait before he could eat.

  We were originally going to keep headin
g south after we went to the lake, but with almost more groceries than we could carry, we decided to go back to the ship to drop off everything before heading out again. It would have been an easy walk back without the groceries, but we decided to splurge and pay for a taxi, for which Liam also had to cough up some cash. The good news for Liam is that taxis in China are impressively inexpensive.

  When we got to the ship, we expected someone to make a comment about all the shopping we did in such a short amount of time. No one said anything. I guess if you work on a cruise ship, you are used to seeing passengers come back with bags and bags full of junk.

  All the grocery shopping made Liam hungry. He wanted to eat some of the American food we just bought, but there was no way to prepare anything on the ship. We had all kinds of baking mixes, but no way to bake anything. We both had to fight the urge to just go to our cabin and eat pop tarts and candy all day. We did eat a few peanut butter cups, though.

  “Don’t eat it all before we even get to Hong Kong,” I told him.

  “We can always get more when we go out again,” Liam suggested.

  I could just see us spending the whole time in Xiamen at a grocery store buying American junk food.

  “What did you do in the ancient city of Xiamen?” people would ask me. “Where millions of Chinese visit every day to see the natural mountains, lakes and islands?”

  “We bought peanut butter cups and M&Ms,” I would answer.

  I convinced Liam to make do with the limitless food already available on board the ship and we had lunch at the Indian restaurant. It was one of the smallest restaurants on the ship and every time I had walked past, it was too crowded to have a look inside. With most of the passengers off the boat and in Xiamen, this seemed like the best time to try it. The food was good, but we both agreed that those peanut butter cups were better.

  “Just like mother used to buy,” Liam said.